I finished @themorningshow on Apple last night. A well done story on the complexity of people, relationships, emotions, power, and sexuality in all it’s nuanced, messy glory.
.
That being said, it was hard to watch. I can’t get it out of my head. I’m a little bit pissed and a little bit heartbroken. I have some things to say.
.
First of all, “No means yes and yes means anal” is not a funny joke. None of those jokes are funny. Stop making light of a culture that does actually exist, in bedrooms and bars and other places men feel like they don’t need to listen to women. Stop letting that shit feel casual.
.
Second of all, why they hell do we live in a world where “no means no” must be the mantra? Why do women need to be on their guard so often, in so many places, with so many people, that they even have to SAY no? Because sometimes we don’t say no. Sometimes we don’t know how. Sometimes we feel manipulated and coerced and like there’s punishment for no. Sometimes the shit that follows is more damaging, because it’s more confusing, but maybe we deserved it because we didn’t say no? Or we didn’t say no fast enough? Or we stopped saying no because he already had his hands in places he wasn’t invited to?
.
Maybe the no got lost. Does it matter? Did he hear yes?
.
Women deserve to feel safe. The questions can’t be “But why did she go to X,Y,Z...” or “Why didn’t she do X,Y,Z...” The questions need to change. Why was she not safe enough to do those things? Why could she not trust the men around her?
.
It doesn’t matter if you’re single or dating or married, no still freaking means no. Better yet, make that conversation unnecessary. Yes means yes. That’s it. Anything else is unacceptable.
.
#consent #changetheculture
